Pierre said it. And it's true. I do try. But I'm so tired...it's like...why do I try to mend the scrapes and bruises when they'll just hurt themselves again and the process will start over. I try so hard. And does anyone try to save me? The minute they try, I won't let them. I stop them.
Someone save me. SAVE ME! And don't listen when I push you away...
I was sitting on my bed and I looked up on the ceiling and I saw a spider there. Without even thinking, or realising what I was doing, I...found it. I felt it's energy. So small and weak, but present. And I took it. The spider fell from my ceiling and lay crumpled on my carpet. It was alive, but barely. I picked it up with a tissue, killed it, and threw it away. I stole it's soul, and then I took it's life.
What if I do this to a person? It was instinctual. It was over before I realised it happened. I feel no remorse for the spider. I feel no remorse for Marcel. But I am still responsible for what happened to them.
What happens if the line blurs? Will I feel no remorse for Pierre, My Boys, Father Peter, Jude, Liss....Renee? Could I do the same to them that I did to those two vermin? Am I capable of that?
Somehow...I don't know.