Though having something to take my mind off of Her is nice. Though having Jude here would do that too. I think everyone that lives here is avoiding me. Like maybe they heard what happened the other day and they're embarassed about it? But I thougth Ry wasn't here at all.
I am so confused and worried and lost and everything else all at once. And betrayed. I still feel betrayed.
I wish things were different.
I wish I didn't feel so Angry all the time. I've never felt like this before. It's unsettling. Like nothing I can do can calm it down, I can only push it away and not think about it for a little while. Like when I am with Slink, or when I am in class.
I switched into Psychology and another writing class to take place of photography and drama. I think that's better for me anyway. They are things I am more interested in than photography and drama. Why did I let my own interests fade and pretend to be interested in her things? I am terrible at photography. I should be in front of the camera, not behind it. And drama....no way.
At least I can string thoughts together more coherently. I wonder if that means I am getting slightly better, or this is the eye in the storm? I still feel like there's a huge hole in me that is being filled only by hate and resentment.
I don't like it.