December 21st, 2005

To Die For

(no subject)

I have been a bad bad Deirdre.

I haven't been here updating.

Because I've been having lots and lots of lesbian sex.

I just like to brag!

I will stop. Guess where I will be on New Year's Eve? Modelling! I am doing a runway show! The Professor that I model for got me the job! It's a runway show for all these new up and coming fashion designers! I am abusing the exclamation point!

Seriously though, I am incredibly excited. I never thought I'd be able to do something like this. You should all come if you are not busy at other parties. Or out of the country. I am pouting at certain boys right now!

Oh how I hope I don't fall flat on my face...

  • Current Music
    Parasite God~Mortiis (How Ironic...)
Dance the Ghost with Me

(no subject)

One day I looked up and there you were,
like a simple question looking for an answer.
Now I am a whale, listening to some inner call,
swimming blindly to throw myself upon your shore.
What if I don't find you when I have landed?
Would you leave me here to die on your shore, stranded?
I think I know why the dog howls at the moon.

I've been waiting for you all my life,
hoping for a miracle,
I've waiting day and night, day and night.
I've been waiting for you all my life,
hoping for redemption,
I've been waiting day and night, I burn for you.

The blind bird sings inside the cage that is my heart,
the image of your face comes to me when I'm alone in the dark.
If I could give a shape to this ache that I have for you,
if I could find a voice that says the words that capture you.
I think I know why the dog howls at the moon.

Sometimes I miss Dublin. I want to go home. Despite friends and runway shows and happiness and everything. I have family there. Sure 3 of them are my annoying half siblings. But my mother is there. In all her aloof glory. I have roots there. I have grandparents that HATE me! Everyone should be around their grandparents that hate them. I've never met mine.

Then I remember her. She belongs with her family. Living without them hasn't be necessarily easy for her. I can't ask her to come to Dublin with me. I couldn't.

So I stay.

And sometimes I hate my father. Not because of what he did to me, but because of what he did to us. We were a family. He made her run. And I couldn't because I was too young.

And now I surround myself with this pseudo family, my 4 housemates.

Who am I kidding? My Pseudofamily is incredible and I should thank my lucky stars.

So...thank you.

  • Current Music
    Listen to the Rain