October 23rd, 2005

Dance the Ghost with Me

Friends Only

I hope that by posting this Friends Only, they can't read it.

Had a bad day today. I didn't think they'd even let me DO this. They probably are so they can, I dunno...read it and see if I am giving away anything. I hope they can't.

So Renee and I had a joint meeting with my Psychologist here, and that went really well. But then she left and he asked about the initial reason for her...issues we'll call it. And I said that my dad had hit me. He wanted to talk about that. A lot. He seemed to think it was where MY issues started too. Or at least it brought them out in the open. He made me tell about my ftaher never being around and me taking care of myself, and the extent of my injuries when he hit me. And I did it all, thinking I might as well do everything to recover, right? I didn't realise that telling him all this means he HAS to report it. So now my father has a warrant out for his arrest for child abuse and neglect and he has a business meeting here in about a week and he CAN'T be arrested....

Who would pay for the house...?

So I wouldn't tell them his name. Though I am sure they'll just look it up. And I wouldn't tell them where he works or where to find him. And I started yelling at them and screaming for them to leave him alone. They were going to strap me in again, but I informed them that I wasn't interested in harming MYSELF. But I'd harm THEM in a second. SO instead they just locked me in my room for 2 hours until I calmed down.

I don't even know if he'd go to jail or get a fine or what, but I don't want them to touch him. Because if they do, I am so screwed.

And at the very least, this will kill his reputation...the only thing that probably kept him from killing me before...so what is he going to do when he has nothing to lose?

I am scared.
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