Deirdre Ionúin Gallagher (deirdre_ionuin) wrote,
Deirdre Ionúin Gallagher

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To Those in the Know

You know what's weird? My mobile hasn't rung in hours. This afternoon, my mother called me on it when she was three feet away because she's insane like that, and now, nothing. I should feel relieved but I feel sort of...okay, I admit it. Her ringing me every 20 minutes, while quite inconvenient, was nice. I didn't have her for a decade and suddenly I had her every 20 minutes, even if she was flailing like a big flaily thing. And now there's silence. But not real silence, because Vic Lane is never really silent. Which makes me happy.

The wedding was beautiful, even if cunts did show up and act cuntly, such is the wont of cunts.

And I sucked a soul and I feel crap about it. I didn't mean to! And I'm over the effects, and I want more, but I can deal. I've been through this withdrawal thing enough times to know how to work it. But...see now's the time I should be going to Peter and curling up by his side while he strokes my hair and tells me I'm beautiful and everything will be okay. But I can't. God, I miss him. I don't think I've let myself realise how much until now. But I really do. He's still here but...not. I miss that calm way he just deals with things you know? And even the way he's less calm sometimes which makes you know how much he loves you. Because he gets himself so worked up. I miss the way he just...takes care of everything even if he doesn't think he does. I hate that he's just...missing. It's crap. I can't wait til he's back again because it feels like there's a fucking hole in my life right now. I don't need him they way I used to. Like...if he's not here I won't go mental. That used to be true, I won't deny it. But he saw to it that it's not true anymore, because that's what he does. But that doesn't mean I don't want him here. That I don't want the strong way he takes care of me. Of...god of everyone.

Tonight I miss my mother and I miss my father. And it sucks.

But, Spectre? You're awesome. Thank you.
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