I got her a candle.
But she's a Free Spirit. She is an Artiste. With an E. And a Beret! Okay, not so much a beret. That's Renee. Okay, not her either. I wish I had a Beret.
So yes, Free Spirit Artiste Caitlin is now one candle richer. At least it's a big candle. Maybe I should have gotten her a candle holder. Or something NOT a candle!
Why is it so hard to buy my own mother a present? Oh yes. Because I hardly know the woman. Oh and guess what!? She's staying HERE. She heard Father moved to the US and she is going to stay here for a few days and make sure I am okay. I DO remember telling her this information when it happened but apparently Free Spirits do not recall important things that Spawn of Free Spirits tell them.
The Universe is just SO funny I could die laughing. Or maybe just die.
And Renee is all excited to meet her since they were supposed to meet before and then my mother didn't come. I was SO SHOCKED! She keeps telling me to calm down. Perhaps she has a point. A very good one.
Or maybe I should just start drinking strawberry champagne cocktails NOW so I am cuntoxed by the time she gets here. Then I'll be relaxed.
I can't believe I just said 'cuntoxed'. Maybe Renee slipped me some alcohol already.
I am going to go watch Robson Green until I fall asleep, or She gets here. Whichever comes first.
At least I stopped holding my breath about such things when I was 7.